Parenting Epiphanies

I had longed to write a  blog entitled "Kids should come with a health warning!" But my two close friends said that it might be damaging to my pumpkin LOL. So I have postponed it ;O)

Parenting is a challenge for me. I think I try too hard for perfection. After having a long career where people took orders from me and actually performed them, had to listen to me and everything was done extremely punctually - parenting is a huge wake up call!  Some days I just swim against the tide and some days I sink like a brick.

So two days ago, was chatting with my little sister about stuff and our kids, when she said she had started using a book by Caroline Webster-Stratton PhD. And suddenly things were improving on the kid war frontline. I exaggerate, of course, our Fin is a super smart, darling 4 year old boy but she and I both have a problem with consistentcy (or so we thought). So she had tried a few things from the book and BINGO!

So conversation went something like this…

"Ok sounds silly but this really has worked. Fin takes forever to eat his dinner & often eats with his hands not his cutlery!! So they say to ignore the bad behaviour & praise the good. Quite odd when you first try but someone said, well that is actually quite obvious because when u train a dog you never put it down you always say good boy, well done. Does this make sense? "

And it did make sense, was so startingly obvious. So set out to try the next morning with my pumpkin. Mornings are always a nightmare. We're both tired, cranky and impatient (especially me). So yesterday morning  instead of nagging her to get out of bed I gently woke her and said, Good Morning who wants pancakes? Ok food works most times anyway but there was no whining and I left her for a few minutes and told her she can crack the eggs because the pancakes always taste better when she helps. She was up and by my side  in record speed and she'd even washed her hands. What's going on? Normally I have to nag her 10 times to wash her hands. Told her that I bet she can get dressed and washed before the pancakes are finished and whoosh..like a super hero she was off, changed and waiting for her pancakes. I put some fruit next to her and she ate that first (without me asking her too), followed by the pancakes. The pancake was quite big, so I asked her not to eat all or her tummy would hurt and I wouldn't want her to have a bad tummy with a kiss on her head. She left quarter on her plate. No horrid moaning, pleading, begging. OMG I'm on to something here!

A fluke? Maybe not. Same thing happened this morning. Suddenly no drama, crying and yelling. Quiet, peace and smiles. And I'm finding it very easy to be positive with her and she is soaking it up! Funny but I now noticed that even the nanny is so negative with her, constantly saying " She never gonna listen" or " Why you naughty girl?" 

Well that is going to stop!

So I'm getting the tips in installments from my sister. Other thing the book says is to try and not give too many commands at once; to only give ones that are the most important. Now this is huge for me because I know I overload her.

Apparently, even the best child in the world will ignore you approximately 1/3  of the time. They also say that any attention you give is good to them even if  it's negative. So if I tell her off she may keep doing whatever it is because she wants the attention that's why they keep doing things they are told not to do, they know it annoys you and it gets attention.

Am still in shock from these new revalations. Eight years late is never too late LOL. I'm thinking that it probably helped only trying one thing at a time, sometimes when you try to implement complete change too fast they can rebel. LOL.

Have found their website http://www.incredibleyears.com/ and will be doing some homework today.


Update Day 3 - Ok, so website a little heavy will stick to my simple pointers that are working extremely well. Was I so negative all these years? Or just clueless? The latter I think..