Rising Mixed Marriages Set New Societal Trend

Friday Times

Published Date: November 18, 2011
By Lisa Conrad, Staff Writer

The instance of Kuwaiti men marrying foreign women has been rising steadily in recent years. According to a report by a local Arabic daily, it is fuelling fears that the numbers of unmarried Kuwaiti women will increase as a result. What's more, the report found that the instance of divorce is much lower between a Kuwaiti and a non-Kuwaiti than between two Kuwaitis. The daily reported that an entire committee was formed to try and curb the trend, which they failed to manage. The trends, and the committee, have received much attention but the question remains as to why it's becoming more common, and why resulting marriages are more likely to prevail. According to the report, the differences are astounding: 63 percent of Kuwaiti couples ended up divorcing, whereas mixed marriages enjoyed a miniscule 13 percent divorce rate.

According to 27-year-old Bader, mixed marriages last longer not because of nationality, but because they're built on more solid foundations, "I don't think that nationality is the determining factor in divorce rates. Usually marriages are arranged and families seek spouses within their circle of acquaintances and distant or close relatives. So, the marriage between two complete strangers results in a lot of misunderstandings and end in divorce." He added, "Because, traditionally, mothers don't seek foreigner brides or grooms for their kids, one can say that almost all marriages between Kuwaitis and non-Kuwaitis are not arranged. The couple here have met outside the circle of the family. They are not complete strangers to one another.

Hanaa a 22-year-old agreed, "There are a lot more foreigners in Kuwait now and there's not as much pressure as there was before about marrying a Kuwaiti, so nationality isn't as much of a focus.

While Hanaa and Bader feel that the trend is linked to circumstance and globalization, others insist that it is based not on nationality, but on culture. "Do you know how much it costs to marry a Kuwaiti woman?" asked 25-year-old Abdulrahman. "The amount of gifts you have to give and the dowry and the house; it's a huge sum. Plus, it's still not the norm with Kuwaiti women to contribute to the household, and not all Kuwaiti women work. So you can expect high financial costs for good, especially since they like, and will often demand, the finer things in life.

For Adbulrahman, the issue of finance is a serious one that he intends to keep in mind when choosing a partner, "These cultural customs will cost you a lot in the long term. I'm happy to pamper my wife, but there are limits. I wouldn't mind the customs if they were more of a choice and less influential. At the end of the day, if you marry a foreigner, especially a Western woman, you're looking at more balance in your marriage. Plus, when you marry a foreigner you don't have the same pressures regarding family name and family background. If you marry a Kuwaiti, you do, so it can be more limiting.

Power of reputation
Fida, a Lebanese expatriate engaged to a Kuwaiti, agreed that culture is a central issue, "Kuwaiti society is very close and interlinked, and marrying within it deepens your connection to it even further. If you marry a non-Kuwaiti, the consequences of divorce aren't so deeply tied into all of your social and family circles in the same way they are if you marry a Kuwaiti." She added, "With Kuwaiti women, and most Arab women, you have to ask for her hand in marriage from her father. The difference here though is that reputation means so much and men can be rejected if they don't meet certain standards. For example a friend of mine was rejected for having a reputation for travelling to Bahrain and Dubai to go clubbing with friends.

The power of reputation is evident in this example as Fida continued, "After that, he gave up on the idea of marrying a Kuwaiti woman. His reputation was tarnished and he knew the women he would consider would reject him. With foreigners, especially westerners, you don't have to prove yourself to anyone but her." In addition to lesser social pressures, Fida added that the children born of a Kuwaiti father and a non-Kuwaiti mother will still enjoy full rights, full nationality and all the benefits that come
along with it.

There is no single, concrete, reason behind the rising trend of mixed marriages, and their increased likelihood of long-term success. Unless, of course, you ask 32-year-old Maha, "If men have the chance to be lazy, they will. Kuwaiti men love the idea of traditional women, and many of us still respect those values even if we have a career as well. But they also love the idea of reducing their responsibilities, and that wins out with some of them." She added, "Some arranged marriages fail, and some mixed marriages are because of love. But this trend, I think, is because Kuwaiti men no longer want to commit to their traditional responsibilities and, to be honest, we don't want the ones who don't anyway.